Monday, April 6, 2015

The Batchelor

Chris Soules, a farmer from a small town in eastern Iowa, Arlington, has become a famous heartthrob for being on the hit reality show, The Batchelor. As a disclaimer, I have never seen the show or cared to see it, the only reality show I watch is Alaska, The Last Frontier with the Kilchers, now that is a show that is real life. Not the drama, back stabbing, phony reality shows. OK, you want to know how I know if I haven't watched any, I've spent a lot of time in Dr office waiting rooms and they all seem to get People magazine. Enough said.

We listen to Agri Talk every day and our good friend, Mike Adams, had Chris on one day this last week and he was talking about how hard he worked on the show, dating and breaking up with all the lovely ladies. How he spent 10 and 12 hour days being wined and dined and traveling to exotic locations.

PFFFFFT!!!

(At least Mike did chide him on that comment.)

As a farmer, I'm quite sure he knows how hard they work and I really can't imagine one of the beauty queens that he courted would ever be happy living in a tiny town in Iowa and helping out in the hog buildings. I understand that he did end up proposing to one, that was the story in the last People magazine I perused while sitting in the Dr. office. She was talking about her career in Chicago and she wanted to continue it and would think about commuting.

PFFFFTTTT!!!

Now if I were putting on a show to find a farm boy a wife, it would include the following tests.

It's snowy and cold, more snow is falling and she has to get up every couple of hours at night, drive 1/4 mile to the farm and check all the pregnant cows for impending births.

It's 20 below and 4 AM, time to crawl out of bed and help load hogs so the farmer can get them to the packing plant before 7 AM and collect the fifty cent per pound premium. After the hogs are loaded, she has to shower and get to work by 6:30.

The farmer is gone to town with grain and a cow is struggling to have a calf. She has to get the cow in the barn, lock her in the head gate and pull the calf. Bonus points for a live calf.

It's cattle working day, she has to bake a pan of rolls and load a cooler of pop before helping to separate cows from calves. Then she has to be ready to help where ever she is needed, pushing cattle through the alley or checking ear tags, all the while avoiding stepping in cow poop. Bonus points for keeping clothes clean.

It's 100 degrees and time to bale hay or help build fence. Bonus points for not losing her temper and stomping off to the house in a huff. 

Gone are the beautiful clothes, professionally styled hair and makeup and high heels. In their place are jeans, work shirts, coveralls and rubber boots. 

On their first dance, the bachelor should compliment her on her 'firm back' and exclaim in astonishment, "I've never danced with anyone who had such calloused hands before!"

Now that is a show I would watch to see the beauty queens drop like flies in a manure pit.

Oh, I forgot, I won that competition, the batchelor is mine - all mine!!!!








2 comments:

  1. I'd say you captured the real life pretty well...sounds like you wrote the job description! Bruce won when he found you, Julie (and those calloused hands, what a sweet-talker). And you won also! Nothing beats a win-win does it?

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