I was dreading the second dose after all the problems I had the first time, I knew Bruce needed to be in the field so was extremely grateful when Janet called and said she could go with me because they were at a stand still. I don't know if I will ever be able to walk through those doors at BV and just do what has to be done without a meltdown, accessing my port in the lab was traumatic again and I don't know how to get over that. The nurse evaluation is first before seeing the doctor so we filled her in on all the problems I had, they did not know I spent a week in the hospital. It was back to the waiting room while the doctor reads and digests everything that I told the nurse. This time it was Dr. Wender, the no nonsense doctor, he decided to only give me one dose of the Treanda, that is a strong drug and the one I took over a two day period so I would only have to do one day. I also told him I wanted to do the 7 days of shots rather than the one big dose of Neulasta. We did get into it when he looked at the sore under my tongue that Janet wanted to get some medicine for and he declared that "It didn't look like much to him." This was said as he was headed out the door, dismissing me and that set me off, I started crying again and said, "It's not your mouth that is so sore, everytime I try to eat or drink it rubs on my teeth!" He did not take lightly to being talked back to, got in my face and said, "You need to talk to me, you aren't talking to me!" I'm not sure what he meant by that because I thought that was exactly what I was doing. I said again, "You have no idea how sore my mouth is." He left and came back a while later with the news that a prescription for 'swish and spit' would waiting for me at the pharmacy.
After another wait we were escorted to the big room but they let me choose where I wanted to go so I went back to the hidden corner where we were before. I still don't feel like being sociable and sitting and talking to others, I want to hole up and sleep through it. It always takes awhile to finally get the chemo started, they do a lot of other things first, anti nausea, benedryl, steroids, and finally the drug. They start it on a low rate and gradually bump it up but everytime they tried it on 200, I would get bad chest pains so they had to stop, redo the meds and start over. This went on most of the day and finally had to call Dr. no bedside manner, in I had only received about 1/3 of the dose but he said to quit and give me the Treanda and call it a day.
Needless to say, it was a very long day by the time we got the mouth medicine and was back home, Janet stayed till Bruce came in although I had not more chest pains. She reminded me to start taking all the anti nausea and pain meds even if I felt like I didn't need them, to ward off trouble. I'm also eating even if I don't feel like it, that is what got me into this mess the last time. I slept pretty good but woke up feeling like I had the flu, Rosanne was coming with dinner for the guys who were hard at work combining corn so I didn't have to do anything. She was also going to take me to the hospital for my first shot, which according to insurance rules, had to be 24 hours and 1 minute from the last chemo that ended at 5:25. That meant the specialty clinic was closed and I had to go to the emergency room. I talked to Deb, from the specialty clinic earlier in the day and she said it was all set up. I don't know who took the information but they had me down for an infusion and I had to convince them I was there for a shot, that does not give me a lot of confidence. So something that should have taken 5 minutes, turned into 45 minutes, luckily from now on I can go anytime so today we go to the clinic at 1 and I'm going to talk to them about the mixup because this weekend, I have to go back to the emergency room.
It was nice having Rosanne here for the afternoon, we took blankets and books to the gazebo and read and napped the afternoon away. Besides dinner she brought cookies and some homemade granola, people are keeping us well fed and I appreciate it since I do not feel like cooking. It's now day 3 and so far, so good, and that is wonderful news to me, although I have to admit, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm able to be out doing my chores and that always lifts my spirits communing with the animals. Bruce had another combine breakdown yesterday, it was leaking anti freeze so while waiting for Tom's repair to come, he started baling corn stalks so he can turn the cows into the field by our house. (Tom's repair found a rat had chewed a hole in one of the water lines and it was fatal for him. Bruce saw the dead rat under the combine the day before but thought Morris must have killed it. They are coming back today to replace both lines, it's a pretty expensive rat trap!) I'm feeling well enough this morning, I think I can help pick up bales out of the field. That would really make me feel better.
I have so much support, from both near and far, food, prayers, cards, you have no idea how much I appreciate it. Thank you all.
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